30 things to say after an unwanted one-night-stand
I’m pretty sure most of you had a one night stand. And I’m also sure that in some cases you all got those unwanted calls on the day after, trying to get you out for a coffee, planning a relationship or at least a few more wild nights. I mean, what the heck, all we wanted was just a plain fucking fuck night. We got a hard-on or, in case you are a female, a wet pussy. We got horny as fuck. We used you, now move on. But there is a way to prevent all this. With just a few words you can make them run away like hell. I have compiled a list of what we should say at the end of the sex thing. Just remember, you must have a grave face in order to make this work:
- I think the condom has a hole in it (try to make one using your teeth, but after the sex).
- I forgot to take my pills.
- You look just like my mom/dad (you may add “after sex” to give more tone).
- I almost had an orgasm. Too bad, 3 minutes weren’t enough for it.
- There’s something about you which makes me lose my hard-on mood.
- I really need to go home to my kids now.
- I just realised that i really love my girlfriend/boyfriends/wife/husband.
- You should shave it better next time.
- Was it me or you didn’t had a hard on?
- just yawn. A lot.
- Sometimes i think that reading a book makes me feel much better than a wild sex night with strangers.
- Did i mention the video camera?
- You look funny naked.
- This was your first time, right?
- Do you accept credit cards or only cash?
- Next time brush your teeth please!
- Did i tell you my uncle died in this bed?
- You’re almost as good as my ex!
- I have a confession… I was a man/woman before.
- When would you like to meet my parents?
- Woo thank god that herpes outbreak cleared up last night, I didn’t want to give it to you.
- I hope you don’t mind itching.
- I have aids.
- Damn, i need more alcohol, i think I’m starting to recognize you.
- I’m only 14!
- Don’t worry, i cant get pregnant, i used to be male.
- That’s all i wanted, can i leave?
- Next time, I’m on top, you nearly crushed me! (funnier if a guy says this)
- Oh, move over, let me finish this…ohhh yeah!
- Have you ever seen what happens after two Praying Mantis finish mating?
All this should do the trick. Happy hunting for sex now! I have to go back to my daily work tasks.
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